Laden With Guilt

Something that's been on my mind this week has been the tragic passing of a young nurse who worked at the same hospital as me. I saw a posting at her nursing station about her memorial service and asked how she passed. I was shocked to hear that she had taken her own life. I didn't know her well, but I knew that she was bright, energetic, and had a young baby boy.

We interact with so many people on a daily basis, whether it is at work or at the grocery store or whatever. I just couldn't help thinking about the times that I had spoken to her in the past. Was I ever rude when I asked her to do something for one of my patients? Did I ever blow her off when she came to me with a concern about one of my patients? I mean, I know I didn't cause her death, but now I have no more opportunities to compliment her on her hard work, her caring for the patients, or even her bright smile. Could those little things have made a difference? Maybe not individually, but I think that life is the sum of all the little things. And I know that I want to make a bigger effort to make the little things matter more.

Appropriate to that is a song I have long loved, "Laden with Guilt" by Caedmon's Call. Because they're so beautiful, I've included the entire lyrics below.

Laden with guilt and full of fears

I fly to Thee my Lord

And not a glimpse of hope appears

But in Thy written word

The volumes of my Father's grace

Does all my griefs assuage

Here I behold my Savior's face

In every page

This is the field where hidden lies

The pearl of price unknown

That merchant is divinely wise

Who makes the pearl his own

Here consecrated waters flow

To quench my thirst of sin

Here the fair tree of knowledge grown

No danger dwells within

This is the judge that ends the strife

Where wit and reason fail

My guide to everlasting life

Throughout this gloomy vale

O may Thy counsels, mighty God

My roving feet command

Nor I fosake the happy road

That leads to Thy right hand