Husbands and wives

With my dementia patients, I interview the patient and the family separately so that families will feel free to share what has really been going on at home since the patient may not remember so clearly.

This week, a sweet couple came in, and the husband reported that despite his wife's declining memory, she basically was still doing all the same things she had always done around the house (which was everything). She apparently was still cooking all his meals, doing all the laundry, doing all the housework, paying all the bills, and driving herself to the grocery store and to her doctor's appointments.

Then I talked to the wife and did some memory testing with her. She did very poorly, indicating that her Alzheimer's is pretty advanced. So poorly, in fact, that I was very surprised that she could still do all those things around the house. I presented this to the two of them, and she said, "well, I don't do as well as I used to, but he is so forgiving and patient with me."

I thought, "wow, that is sweet," but then the husband spoke up and said, "well, really I just don't know what to do with any of those things, so I guess I just have to live with it. The occasional bizarre ingredients ending up in my food, bills getting paid not always on time, colors getting bleached, and things being put up in odd places are all fine with me as long as it gets done."

I had this mental image of Larry the Cable Guy saying, "git 'er done," but I refrained from sharing that with them. I commended her for doing so well despite her memory loss. I have noticed that men present later with dementia here, and I guess this is why. If they aren't doing as much around the house to begin with, it takes longer before there is any noticeable decline. Where would men be without their wives? I know this story makes me appreciate even more all of the million things my wonderful wife does for me.